So I'm not really sure where I stand on the "Chocolate Jesus" controversy. Don't know about the Chocolate Jesus controversy? You can read about it here.
Apparently, some creative artist who specializes in the medium of food decided that it would be a good idea to sculpt a six-foot statute of the Son of God out of delicious milk chocolate, just in time for Easter celebration. And he called it "My Sweet Lord" which I guess is better than some of the alternative (My Sweet Creamy Lord, for example). Obviously people are offended by this, and not simply because the Messiah melts both in your mouth and on your hands, which I'm pretty sure has been against Catholic dogma for centuries, ever since the infallible Pope Pius IV declared that Jesus had a "thick candy shell."
Initially I was torn by this. On the one hand, I'm theoretically Catholic. I don't go to church or anything, I disagree with/disobey most of the rigorous disciplinary doctrines (particularly the ones involving my penis), and I'm embarrassed by the leadership -- but I plan on acting like the religion matters to me when I have children or approach certain death, whichever comes first. So that side of my life is infuriated that someone would dare to mock my Lord and Savior with a representation of His Holiness as an ephemeral sugary delight. Under no circumstances should someone be able to enjoy biting the head off of Jesus. I feel pretty strongly about this.
On the other hand, chocolate is delicious. So there's always that argument.
When I first encountered this story, I did not realize that we were talking about a large sculpture, but rather I thought that some budding Willy Wonka was mass producing these things to line Easter baskets for the coming Sunday morn. Now this would have been awesome. I totally would have loved to get a Chocolate Jesus, wrapped in shiny Jesus foil, perhaps with a creamy nougat center. They could have made a different Jesus for all fourteen stations of the cross. Heck, I would get behind all sorts of Easter-themed candy treats. Virgin Mary jellybeans. Crown of Thorns rock candy. Depictions of the crucification made of Peep. What better way to get the kids fired up about the resurrection of Christ than to have him come back to life as tasty goodness inside their mouths?
And then I got a look at this thing. Holy Hell.
That is one scary looking Chocolate Jesus. I didn't realize that it wasn't going to be kind, friendly, just woke up from his nap Jesus. This is agonizing in his final moments Jesus, battered by Roman torture and suffering from his sacrifice into human mortality. This is what my Chocolate Jesus would look like a few days after Easter, with some of his back shaved off by my incisors and his ears missing. The fact that he's both yummy and horrifying stirs me with inner turmoil. By eating him, just as God intended, am I inflicting pain? Or should I simply stand by to watch him melt, his delectable body going to waste for some higher cause?
You can see my quandary. Like real Jesus, I think Chocolate Jesus came to this world to teach us above love and humanity and faith and a bunch of other stuff. He is also made to die for our sins, particularly the sin of gluttony. Either way, Catholics have been chowing down on Jesus for centuries. Imagine how different the world would be if the apostle Paul brought his fondue pot to the Last Supper like he was supposed to. So I say embrace Chocolate Jesus! Actually, don't embrace him -- you'll get Chocolate Jesus on your clothes. But figuratively embrace Chocolate Jesus! By eating him! Chocolate Jesus would want it that way.
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